We at TS3 are a considerate group. We're more than willing to help out someone in need.
Thursday at 3:30pm I got a call from a frantic Mr. Johnny Silverscreen* in desperate need of "a rhythm section." A friend of mine recommended me to fill in. I ask, "what are we going to play?" Johnny tells me, "Oh we'll play some Black Crowes, some Zeppelin...straight rock stuff, it'll be cool. Show's at 10:30." I said to myself, "Self, how bad can it be? I'll play some tunes with some Chicago musicians. I'm not doing anything tonight, what the hell." I agree to help a fellow musician out and tell him,"I'll be there at 9:30."
Upon hearing this Tim looks at me and reminds me that I don't know Johnny Silverscreen. I don't know what we're going to play, and not only have I never rehearsed with these people, I haven't even met them. I scoff at Tim's disbelief and continue to enjoy my Victory HopDevil.
I pull up to the venue with my kit in tow and grab my bass drum and a few other items and walk in. The place is empty. Literally empty. Instead of music, the TV's and audio are tuned to The Daily Show. After a minute or so a big door guy comes out and points me to the stage. It's a decent sized stage, probably pretty tight for 4 guys. I proceed to set up my kit and Johnny comes in. Johnny kinda looks like Iggy Pop, except not as wrinkly. Johnny is as friendly as can be and has an energetic and enthusiastic disposition. It's getting closer to 10 and Johnny assures me that this place gets hopping later on. He also tells me that the bass player should be here any minute. Thankfully Tim and Shannon show up to help keep me sane. Here's the crowd in its entirety:

Around quarter to 11, Johnny calls me up to the stage along with a rousing round of applause from the 5 people in the room (Tim, Shannon, and the 3 people that are being paid to be there). The bass player never showed so it was just electric guitar and drums. He wants to open with "Desire" by U2. I don't know U2 at all and he tells me what beat to play so I obliged. It just gets worse from there. There was no low end and each song had long and pointless solos. Each song is less coherent than the last and at one point, Shannon texted me with, "Are you OK?" I replied with, "I want to die." It was just a constant barrage of noise. Even between songs he'd just let the chords ring and immediately go into the next song. When he did address the crowd, he acted like we were playing the United Center. He was yelling at the top of his lungs, "Give it up for Johnny Silverscreen and Justin Hooks!!" Tim looked at me with utter disgust for the embarrassing scene on stage.
Thankfully, Johnny decided to take an intermission, and after successfully getting (fake) email addresses from everyone in the crowd for his mailing list, he left to go to 7-11 for some coffee. I saw this as my opportunity to leave with some shred of dignity and packed up my kit and got the hell out of there. Since I didn't know how soon Johnny would be back, time was of the essence. Here is a picture of me literally running away from this gig:

We got back to Tim's and my phone rings. It's Johnny. I don't want to take this call. I felt bad about bolting on the gig but, give me a break, it was the worst concert of all time. Tim convinces me to answer the phone and Johnny asked me why I left. I told him, "I thought it was over." "Oh, you thought it was over, right, OK...well, hey man, great show tonight, next time we'll have a bunch of people, you know, like, my friends, your friends, it'll be awesome!" Johnny went on and on about our imaginary next gig for quite some time and I told him to call me tomorrow. I haven't heard from him since. Hopefully I never will.
*Name (just barely) changed to protect the innocent.